If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
