this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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