theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
