I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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