This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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