I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
