Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
