i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
