the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
