Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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