return my video game
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
