Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Randomize
