you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
