just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
