Soap is not a condiment
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
