Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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