JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
