Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
