i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
