I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
