dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
