we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
