i need an iv and a liver transplant
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
