Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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