just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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