The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize