Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
and she was petting her beer can
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
