Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
