I got her a Nickelback box set.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
