DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
