I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
