My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
