They should really pass out barf bags in church
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
