Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
