I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
