I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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