There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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