I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
