i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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