My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
