I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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