I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
