he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
