weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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