everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
