I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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