this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
