You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize