i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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