I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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