"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
