I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
