There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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