this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
