Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
