:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
