i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
