I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
