We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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