Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
