I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
