when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
