I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
