One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
