I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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