You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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