How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
