Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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