why didn't you poke me back
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
