this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
