Kareoke will never be a sober sport
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
