It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
