it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
