You're my little dorito
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
