Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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