what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
where are you?
Hypothermia
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
