In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
