My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
