im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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