Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
